My New Blog Title

Most of my friends that have a blog, have a name for it. I have thought for a really long time if it was something that I wanted to do, and if I did it, what would be my theme or name. I'm going to admit to everyone today in this blog my weakness in life. I worry too much about tomorrow. I dread the next day, fearing what it will bring and how bad it will affect me. As you all know, my job as a Surgical Technician is very demanding. It's hard when you work with 20 different surgeons in 20 different fields and there are 20 different cases that they all do. When I know what my assingment is for the next day, most of the time all I want to do is go into my room, shut the door and hide under the covers until my alarm goes off in the morning as the tears stream down my face because all I want to do is stay at home with my little boy. I can't deal with having to fix dinner or giving Carson a bath, or even playing with him. I just want to go hide. We are all faced with trials in our lives that we all need to learn how to deal with. I am one who has been stuck in this trial for quite some time and I really believe I almost have a habit of not wanting tomorrow to come. Here's an issue that is something that has been a trial for the past few months. Dave and I have a decision to make. If we buy a home, I continue to work and be unhappy and we can't have another baby because my mom won't babysit anymore if we do. That is totally understandable. I don't even know if I could handle 2 kids! She has been so awesome to watch Carson for free so we don't have to pay for a babysitter. With her health conditions, it's hard for her to watch Carson as it is.

But, if we don't buy a home, we can have another baby, but not have a home. I hate living in a small apartment. I wonder which is more important. I believe that today we live in a society run by satan, forcing mothers out of the home to work because everything is too expensive. I sit there holding Carson sometimes and wishing that moment doesn't end, not wanting to face that issue. That is where my new blog title comes in. Living in the moment. President Monson's talk last conference in October of 2008 titled "Finding Joy in the Journey, he states, "This is our one and only chance at mortal life -here and now. The longer we live, the greater our realization that it is brief. Opportunities come, and then they are gone. I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not. I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and nonexistenct future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey-now." He also goes on to read a quote from The Music Man that says, "You pile up enough tomorrows, and you'll find you've collected a lot of empty yesterdays." I often think that Pres. Monson's talk was just for me and no one else, but obviously there are a lot who have this issue or else he probably wouldn't have spoken about it. I always tell Dave that life doesn't go as I want it to go. I always say, "if it were up to me, this is what would be different." I can't do that anymore. I just need to live in today and forget about tomorrow, until it happens. I need the old guy off of the Wedding Singer to put his arm around me and tell me, "everything is going to be alright." For all of you who have read to this point, thank you. I needed to get that off of my chest. I hope that if you are dealing with the same problem or issue, even in a different way, that you'll be able to be a little touched by this blog.